Why we are losing friends and how to tackle with it [12 Step guide]

losing friends

Losing friends can be a real emotionally painful experience, one that is very hard to accept.

But why does  losing friends affect us so much?

Because no matter what age group we belong to, or how independent we feel, we need friends. We are emotionally attached with our friends.

Friends who are there for us in our times of rejoice and grief. There are things which we cannot discuss with our siblings, parents or partner, but we can talk about them with our friends.

When we feel frustrated, alone and needy, we head towards our friends and find comfort in them, because they are the people we choose to be with. They are not, at any point, imposed at us, neither do we have any expectations about them.

“There’s nothing on this earth to be prized than a true friendship”——- St. Thomas Aquinas.


There are occasions where your friendship with your closest pals fades away, slowly and gradually with the passage of time, and eventually becomes part of history.

Furthermore, it is not a matter of one day, or a week, or a month; it is a gradual process taking its due course of time.

What actually happens when things comes sunset time?

Can we reverse them?

Should they be reversed in the first place?

What to do if you are constantly losing friends?

These questions often haunt us when we lose one of our close friends or when we are on the verge of losing them. Since most of us have already faced (or, unfortunately, will face) this situation, we will now dissect this topic to understand the probable reasons and help us address the problem within time.

I can assure you the following 12 causes will be found in any friendship breakup one way or another.

Once you know these causes and reasons you’ll be in a better situation to avoid them in future and safe yourself from them agony of losing friends:

1. People change:

There’s a famous quote from Greek philosopher Heraclitus, “The only thing that is constant is change.”

As harsh as it may sound, yes, people change!

Whether it’s for the good or bad is a separate debate, as we may never truly understand the reason behind changes.

The fact is, humans are prone to change and with that they may realize some things (or people!) don’t fit in anymore. Losing friends may become inevitable sometimes.

2. Priorities change:

Priorities change with time. Moreover, we observe that the older we grow the fewer friends we have, or as we say, “only the good ones stick.”

There is family to look after, work gets serious, other activities start taking more time… The honeymoon period of life withers away and the more realistic aspects show up. As a result, our priorities change.

“Memories have to be watered like potted flowers, and the watering calls for regular contact with the witnesses of the past, that is to say, with friends.” – Milan Kundera

good friends

Thus, you cannot expect your old bud to play video games, or your BFF to listen to you for hours anymore, because that is no longer a priority.

That does not mean those bonding moments can’t happen anymore, but we need to accept that they won’t be as recurrent.

3. It was a shallow friendship:


I know it sounds terrible, but it could be the case.

What you thought of as a friendship was actually a pastime, or something meant to happen only for a certain period of time.

I will give you a personal example:

the first time I went for a study program abroad, I made a few friends.

At that moment it really felt like we were stepping into a life-long friendship. However, as soon as I return home I realized we had no real bonding factor except for the fact that we were all away from home and in need of someone to share all those new experiences with.

This can also happen when you have a new work experience, college, you name it.

As an exercise, take a tour back to the past. Ponder over the time you spent together. Maybe you will realize neither of you had a deep interest in each other, or maybe the interest was one-sided.

Either way, it should make it easier for you to let them go.

4. Exogenous factors:

Sometimes external factors can also alter our routine.

For example, your new boss wants an imminent increase in sales and you have to put some extra effort into the whole campaign, or maybe either you or your friend have to move to a different city.

Sometimes, we lose contact with our friends for a while, and even though it feels sad, it just takes some getting used to and some adjustments. As soon as you get a chance to meet them you don’t feel distant anymore.

The level of closeness is still the same.

5. You lost your charm:

Losing your BFF can have happen due to a number of causes.

Getting rusty is one of them.

Many times people get lousy about themselves and lose their charm. People around us can notice that very easily, they see it when you are not making any effort into improving your life or taking interest in anything.

Friends try to warn us, to help us and motivate us, but that inertia can push them away after some time.

6. Lack of initiative from either side:

This one is a tricky point and people are quite fallible to it.

No matter what was the reason for you to be distant, neither of you is taking the initiative to make things right again.


Moreover, ego also comes into play. You say “Why do I have to be the first to make a move and contact him/her?” Similarly, they could be thinking the same. As a result you both lose contact and the rift gets wider and wider with every passing day.

So, if you find yourself in such a situation, what course of action should you take? Do you really want to take the risk of losing this friend?

7. Take initiative before it’s too late:

How long will you build up this anxiety, waiting for your friend to reach out?

Why not taking the high road and greet them first? Send them a text message, call or pay them a visit. It is worth a try and will make both of you feel appreciated.

Moreover, it’s better to approach them now instead of regretting it later.

8. Assess the situation:

As discussed above sometime we indulge in our routine and we lose contact with our beloved friends but that doesn’t mean it is the end. You need to assess the situation and make a sound judgment about it.

close friends

9. Ask him/her if there’s a problem:

Most of us are clueless to our own bad behavior, right?

Could you be committing any acts that are bothering your friends, which you are probably not aware of?

They could be avoiding bringing that problem up because they don’t want the confrontation, or simply because they don’t want to hurt you.

The best way to deal with it is to come out clean and ask them if there is something wrong. If you are true friends, they will share it with you. Just make sure you are open to listening to what they have to say and assess what you can do about it. This way you can avoid losing friends.

10. Is it your fault you are losing friends?

It is also one of the main reason of losing friends. You broke your friend’s trust and it hurt them real bad. They didn’t tell you about it but deep down inside he/she is deeply traumatized by your act.

Now it’s your job to figure out what went wrong and correct it before it’s too late.

Related: 30 Do’s And Don’ts Of Dress Code Every Man Should Follow.

11. Is it time to move on?

Maybe it is time to move on.

You were not meant to be friends forever. It was just a temporary arrangement and it reached it useful life, or maybe one of you hurt the other so bad there is no point in being around each other any longer. It is totally ok to accept that it’s time to part ways if you are not seeing eye to eye anymore.

Remember, we are all constantly changing – and learning!

12. Make new friends:

Losing a friend may sometimes be a door opening up for new ones to come in. So what if someone doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore?

The world is full of opportunities and there are hundreds of people searching for the like-minded.

So, go out and make new friends! Join a club of your preference, starting taking a creative course, or simply ask that cool person you have never had the chance to know more for a coffee. The key is to not be afraid of reaching out and showing yourself available for a new friendship. The more, the merrier!


Friendship is beautiful, enjoy it while it lasts. It is difficult to find honest and trustworthy friends. If you find them stick to them and don’t let go. By any chance if you lose them; do not fret about it! Look for better friends. Having said that, if you are constantly losing friends then maybe the fault lies in you. In that case you will have to revisit your attitude.

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